It is absolutely not possible that my little baby is almost two.

But the calendar says that next week, she’ll hit 20 months, then this summer, the big 2, then the summer after that 18.

Well, not quite, but that’s how it’s feeling.

I’ve changed so much as a person since she became a person. I’ve discovered strength I didn’t know I had. Learned things I didn’t even know I didn’t know. Became a passionate advocate for a cause I knew nothing about two years ago. Connected with other moms, neighbors, new clients- the list seems almost endless. I’ve connected with you through this blog. I’m finding my voice as a writer, learning more about graphic design. It’s a time of amazing growth for both of us.

I would never have guessed that so much of me would be improved by the existence of her.

Is it selfish to look at my baby (now opinionated toddler) as something that’s been a boost for me? I don’t think so. It hasn’t all been amazing. I don’t spend enough grown up time with my husband. I don’t spend enough time alone to really reflect and connect with what I’m feeling and what I’ve learned. But through all this, I’ve learned that I can’t be all things all at once. There are days I’m better at being her mom. There are days I turn on her favorite cartoon, l’ane Trotro, give her a snack and sneak off to write, read, relax, clean- whatever. There are days when I don’t really talk to my husband about anything other than the baby. Then there are days where I skip the house work and snuggle with the family on the couch. Days that we go on an extra long walk- my husband and I can talk about things other than our daughter while she runs ahead of us.

These days will be fleeting. I’m doing what I can to make the world a better place for her, while trying to remember to actually spend time with her. I’m so thankful I found Beautycounter and the opportunity to make a difference and spend the entire summer home with my daughter. Part time hours (doing work I thoroughly enjoy) for full time wages (especially if you consider that I don’t need to find child care) is a real possibility and one I’m looking forward to enjoying.

Family is the most amazing gift. I’m doing what I can to enjoy every second of it, but am fully aware that it’s not all going to be amazing. She’s going to pee on the floor potty training. She’s going to stay out too late and worry me. She’s going to date a jerk. I can’t control it all, I can only do the best with what I can control and stay thoroughly engaged in life. It’s an amazing journey to be on.