I usually sneak off to write while my daughter naps. I’m so lucky that she’s a reasonably predicable and solid napper. This is one of the things that has me conflicted right now.
You see, I have a younger sister, and while (as my mom can attest) having a sibling is not always smooth sailing, it’s something I’m now wise enough to really appreciate. I want to give my daughter that same experience.
But does that make the sibling just a plaything for the eldest? My sister would certainly say no- she’s a great whole person in her own right.
Am I doing it selfishly so that I’m not the sole entertainer and resource for my eldest? Can it possibly be selfish to put my body through the rigmarole of pregnancy and birth? Doubtful.
I’m certain I can love two children- I have a husband I adore as much as I love my daughter. I still love my family. I still (yes really) love my in-laws.
Do I have it in me to go back to that tireless era of surviving on two hours of sleep at a time for months on end? Will I be any use to my eldest when we’re playing while the baby naps? What if she never naps again? What if I become so tired I lose my mind?
These are the types of thoughts running through my mind as we prepare to give baby number two a go. There are days when I ask myself “what in the world are you thinking!” followed by days when all I see are pregnancy and birth announcements on Facebook and just want to be pregnant NOW. It’s a roller coaster.
I feel really good about the plan. I’ve made the #switchtosafer with Beautycounter and am no longer exposing myself to unknown, unregulated, potentially harmful chemicals lurking in my personal care and cosmetics. It lead to a business that is adding residual income to my household that’s going to make a huge difference this time around. I’ve switched my cleaning products over to Norwex and other safer options. I’ve discovered Aldi and switched to mostly organic food for half the price. I’m fit enough to run all the way up the hill next to the house. I’ve figured out how to cloth diaper a toddler and feel ready to reduce my waste and skip disposables with the newborn.
The biggest thing though- I know I can do it. While not raised yet, my daughter is healthy, thriving, fun and independent. I survived those months on no sleep. With my first born, I thought I had the skills to raise a child. Now I know I do.
There are still days when my eldest and I share a new experience or snuggle and I question if it can get any better than this. Then I imagine it two fold- how amazing is it going to be to watch her share her world with a sibling? For the two of them to conspire and play and wonder together? To be unconditionally loved by not one but two souls?
The journey is just beginning. To follow along, be sure to follow this blog on wordpress, over email or on social media!
In the comments below, please share your thoughts on adding little ones to your family- I’d love to hear about your journey!